The Loved One

Episode 6: The Absent One by Sara Shaarawi

• Created by Danny Krass. Series concept by Oliver Emanuel. • Season 1 • Episode 6

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"I'm not here for a sob story. I just want to understand..."

A young podcaster attempts to make Pink the centrepiece of her story, and old wounds are cut bare as she is forced to face some uncomfortable truths.

Performed by Sharon Duncan-Brewster, Catriona Faint and Talia Marwaha
 
Written by Sara Shaarawi
Directed by Lu Kemp
Sound Design and Music by Danny Krass
Series concept by Oliver Emanuel
Produced by Tron Theatre and supported by Creative Scotland
 
#TheLovedOne


Speaker 1:

Hello, welcome to the Loved One. This is a piece of immersive audio drama designed for listening on headphones. If you want to have a wee, lie down in a dark room, stick on a cheeky eye mask and go ahead. But wherever you're listening, please enjoy the Loved One.

Speaker 2:

Imagine your child leaves home abruptly and doesn't stop at that. She leaves the city you raised her in, then the country. Imagine that child leaves clothes along the way traces. An occasional phone call, a couple of text messages, voice notes, a postcard or two, and then one day, nothing. They vanish into thin air. This is what happened to Billy.

Speaker 1:

This is the loved one.

Speaker 2:

Okay, well, that was shite.

Speaker 1:

Episode 6, the Absent One.

Speaker 2:

Let's try again, Smeara, and this time try not to sound like a twat.

Speaker 1:

By Sarah Shawari.

Speaker 2:

Billy Pinkerton, an American teenager, was what some might call a drifter. She ran away in the summer of 2022, moving from LA to Seattle, then Vancouver. From there, she took a plane to Europe and began to hop across it, leaving only traces of herself behind. It's those traces that have become the only clues that she was ever really here, right here in Glasgow, her last known location. What would bring Billie so far from home? What was she running away from? Is her disappearance a choice she made, or did something more sinister happen? These are the questions we'll be exploring in this episode.

Speaker 2:

I'm Samira Haviz and this is Missing in Glasgow, a podcast dedicated to looking for answers for those who disappear without a trace, right here in Glasgow. When a person disappears, their last known movements and whereabouts become crucial information. They may hold clues as to what really happened. So this is where I begin. I wanted to create a timeline of Billie's last known sightings. On January 12th of this year, billie arrived in Edinburgh. We know that her first stop was to get a pint in a local bar. There she got talking to a group of men on a stag do and they offered Billie a ride on their bus to Glasgow, and that's how she arrived here. We know that Billy stayed in Glasgow until the 27th of February, the day she disappeared without a trace. We don't know where she stayed exactly or who with.

Speaker 2:

People recall that she wrote extensively in her notebook, mostly in Luca's, her favourite cafe, or maybe it was just the cheapest. This cafe is the last place she was ever seen. Who was the last person she spoke to? Where did she stay? What was she writing in that notebook? I knew then that I needed to go to the place where she was last seen, lucas.

Speaker 2:

When I go, I don't know what to expect. The cafe looks like how I imagine American diners to feel like. I feel like I'm in a David Lynch film, and that creeps me out a bit. The atmosphere is electric. I order coffee and start asking around about Billy. Luca points me to a woman in the corner that's her mother. He says Okay, so I've just been told that Pink Billy's mother is here as in, right here in this cafe. Luca's just told me she's been here for seven days straight. I can't believe this. You can do this, samira, come on. You can do this, samira, come on. Hi, sorry to bother you, but my name is Samira and I'm working on a podcast about About. Yes, it's a podcast about missing people in Glasgow.

Speaker 1:

No.

Speaker 3:

Sorry, you want to ask me about my daughter I thought that maybe we could no. Why not? I'm here to find my daughter, not here to tell a sob story for your little show.

Speaker 2:

I'm not here for a sob story. What are you here for? I just want to try to understand what why people go missing.

Speaker 3:

Okay, I guess it's worth a shot.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, let me just. I thought maybe you could start by introducing yourself.

Speaker 3:

My name is Pink. I'm a private investigator back home in the States and I'm here in Glasgow now because my daughter, billy has gone missing. I'm here to find her.

Speaker 2:

Tell me a bit more about Billy.

Speaker 3:

Billy is 16. She was born three weeks premature. I gave birth in my living room because I couldn't get to the hospital on time. Billy never waited for anyone. She's always been like that, moving from one life to another. I was a single mom, moved around a lot. Did you two get along? Sometimes has she run away before she has, but I always found her, no matter how many times she left. She wants me to find her. She wants to know that I care that I would cross the fucking world to get to her. Billie knows me. She knows me better than I know her. She watched me spend my life following people, dissecting their lives, second-guessing their next move. She knows how to stay one step ahead. No matter how hard I try, I can't read her, can't predict her next moves.

Speaker 2:

Why Glasgow?

Speaker 3:

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Speaker 2:

Tell me about the last time you saw her.

Speaker 3:

She was. She said she was going out to her friends. I was working late that day so I asked her to stay over at her friend's house, but apparently she never arrived. Did you often leave her alone, sometimes when my job demanded it? When was the first time? I can't remember how old was she.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, maybe around five. Was it just for one night, or did you leave for longer?

Speaker 3:

Why the podcast about the missing? Why are you avoiding the question? Why the podcast about the missing? I just want the facts. I haven't slept for 17 fucking days. Fact this city is the darkest dampest place I've ever been. Fact this cafe has the darkest dampest place I've ever been. Fact this cafe has the worst coffee in the world. Fact You're irritating me.

Speaker 2:

Fact and your daughter's messing Fact no-transcript. When you left your daughter alone for the first time, were you planning on coming back? No, did she know.

Speaker 3:

Of course not. I told her mommy was leaving for a little while. So you lied to her. I was lying to myself. I would never have left her. Even if I thought about it, even if I planned it, I could never leave her. She knew that, maybe she didn't. I always came back, always.

Speaker 2:

That's why she runs. She runs away before you do it to her, because inside she feels it. Your restlessness, your doubts, your fears. She knows it because it's imprinted in her nerves, in the air she breathes, in the dreams she has. She's lost you over and over and now she does the same to you.

Speaker 3:

I'm not your mother, Samira.

Speaker 2:

This has nothing to do with my mother, okay, I'm just your mother, samira.

Speaker 3:

This has nothing to do with my mother, okay.

Speaker 2:

I'm just trying to understand.

Speaker 3:

There were days where I felt liberated, like I was finally like my old self again, that I didn't have to share. I never liked to share. Even when I was pregnant with Billy, I couldn't stand sharing my body. But even if I thought about leaving, even if I planned it, I always went back. I did my best.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for being honest with me.

Speaker 3:

You got a lot of pain. I can empathise with that.

Speaker 2:

She went missing many years ago, my mum. She never came back and we never found her. I'm sorry to hear that she left on my seventh birthday.

Speaker 3:

And you think it's your fault. I did when I was little and now.

Speaker 2:

Now I don't feel anything. The day she left she made me a cake, chocolate and cherry my favourite. She left it in the kitchen and then she walked out the door and never came back. She didn't take anything with her, just put on her coat and left. I bake it for myself every year, chocolate and cherry. I don't eat it, I can't. I just bake it and leave it. I spent years walking down the last street. She was seen. She was caught on CCTV. At least we think it's her. I still go there sometimes Looking for her, looking for her traces, like you, I guess. Can I ask one last question?

Speaker 3:

Shoot.

Speaker 2:

Where do you think she went?

Speaker 3:

I really don't know. I think she walked out and no one has seen her since. I'm going to get some more shit coffee. You want anything? No, thanks, okay.

Speaker 2:

I'm standing outside the cafe. I'm standing on this street, the last street she was seen. We can retrace our steps. Maybe we can find something, a trace, an echo. I'm just going to walk down this street. The street is pretty crowded. It's a typical Friday night. Everyone seems in their own world. As usual, it's raining. I'm just turning a corner here. It's much quieter. A few lost souls scattered here and there. I'm looking at the walls, at the bins, looking for some sort of clue, something that says Billy was here, that you were here, that you walked down this street thinking about your next destination.

Speaker 2:

Maybe, or maybe you're thinking it was time to go home, maybe you just got lost, maybe it was that simple. Maybe you just walked on, walked on and kept walking, hitching rides, smoking and drinking and dancing and writing and loving. Leaving, leaving before the Leaving, leaving, leaving before the trap sets in, before the trap sets in, and you're sinking, sinking deep into it. You don't know how to get out. Stand still and you'll get swallowed up. Stand still and suddenly your life is not yours anymore and you're baking a chocolate and cherry cake for a daughter you never wanted, or maybe you did want her, but not like this, not here and you can't just uproot her like that, because you were uprooted and it fucked you up, so you just go, you just take your coat and go, you go, go, but you shatter her life. You're not sinking, but she is this trap. You escaped, I was born into it and no amount of running will make any difference.

Speaker 2:

If you're listening to this and I really fucking hope you are, because you are the reason I'm making this shite podcast the only reason I would sit and listen to someone talk about their loved one disappearing before their eyes, not being able to make any sense of it, trying desperately to put a pointless puzzle together, to explain, to explain that it wasn't their fault, it wasn't anyone's fault, that sometimes really bad shit happens and that's us fucked. What I'm trying to say is is that I hope you're listening to this, I hope you're listening to me and I want you to know. I hope you found what you were looking for. I hope you're happy and fulfilled and living the life you've always dreamed of, that you actually dreamed of. I hope you're able to be yourself without any fear or pain or doubt, and I hope you still make cakes Chocolate and cherry, vanilla and honey, blueberry, strawberry and cream, chocolate and orange and carrot cake smothered in buttercream, pineapple, upside down cake or whatever it's called.

Speaker 2:

And if you hate cake now too, like me, then that's fine too. I hope, I hope you're okay. I hope you're free, free from whatever trap you were in. That's that's what I hope. If you're listening, I really hope you were in. That's that's what I hope, if you're listening, I really hope you're free.

Speaker 1:

You've been listening to the Loved One, episode 6 by Sarah Shawahi, featuring Sharon Duncan-Booster and Talia Marwaha, directed by Lou Kemp, sound design and music by Danny Kras, made in partnership with Tron Theatre Glasgow, supported by Creative Scotland. Next time, on the final episode of the Loved One nothing, nowhere, no one.