The Loved One

Episode 3: The Playful One by James Ley

Created by Danny Krass. Series concept by Oliver Emanuel. Season 1 Episode 3

We would love to hear from you...

'These Xanax better be good because I’m gonna need them…’

When a new client asks Pink to track down his boyfriend, she finds herself in a world of sex games and live action roleplay. Will the playful atmosphere inspire Pink to relax too?

Performed by Nathan Byrne, Sharon Duncan-Brewster, Catriona Faint, Marc Mackinnon and Matthew Zajac
 
 Written by James Ley
 Directed by Lu Kemp
 Sound Design and Music by Danny Krass
 Series concept by Oliver Emanuel
 Produced by Tron Theatre and supported by Creative Scotland

 #TheLovedOne

Speaker 1:

Hello, welcome to the Loved One. This is a piece of immersive audio drama designed for listening on headphones. If you want to have a wee, lie down in a dark room, stick on a cheeky eye mask and go ahead. But wherever you're listening, please enjoy the Loved One.

Speaker 2:

Martin, please hurry up.

Speaker 3:

I'm sorry. I think I pulled a muscle in my butt from all those lunges.

Speaker 2:

From all those bodyweight lunges.

Speaker 1:

I can't be late for this.

Speaker 2:

You won't be late. I still need to shower. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Speaker 3:

Is this better?

Speaker 2:

Much better.

Speaker 3:

Is the manscaper charged? Um, yes, do you?

Speaker 2:

need me to do your hole again? No, no, my hole is fine. I just need to tame the bush, which I can do myself. Do I look tired? No, you look lovely. That's good, because I hardly slept. I was just so fucking excited.

Speaker 3:

Oh, Rhys, please don't do this, Don't you?

Speaker 2:

do this, martin, but no, I've been looking forward to this all week.

Speaker 3:

I know you have, but no, I just wish it was a regular hook-up For like two hours or an hour, and I wish I didn't know about it.

Speaker 2:

You wanted to know about it. We said we'd always know about this stuff.

Speaker 3:

Okay, fine, but can you please come home tonight?

Speaker 2:

No, I can't. They said it would be at least a two-nighter At least. Oh my God, chill out. I'll be back on Sunday. I'm working Monday Do they know that.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I think so, you think so, oh God.

Speaker 2:

Martin, I'll be back on Sunday. Okay, Did a package arrive for me.

Speaker 3:

No, martin. Okay, yes, it did and yes, I opened it. It's a Deliveroo uniform, a matching bag, a key and a bike lock.

Speaker 2:

Oh my god, I'm gonna be a sexy Deliveroo person, aren't I?

Speaker 3:

Yes, that scans.

Speaker 2:

Hi there, mister. What did you order Me?

Speaker 3:

Okay, fuck it, you go on ahead, I'll catch you up. Okay, see you back at the ranch. Fuck, I've created a monster.

Speaker 1:

This is the Loved One. Episode 3 the Playful One by James Lay.

Speaker 3:

How do I look Handsome? Af, minty green suits you. And who could guess you're totally hairless under those shorts? I'm not totally hairless. Well, you've never taken that much off of me. Because you like me, furry, I love you, furry, I put some of your butt hair in my pocket. Look, wow, weece, I've had an idea. No, listen, it's going to be hot. You're going to cycle round the block and then come back here and surprise me. And I'll surprise you Because I'll be dressed as a marine. No, yes, yes, come on, it's brilliant. I'm smarter than your average bear Boo-boo.

Speaker 3:

No, that's totally lame and I don't have a delivery for you, that doesn't matter, I can get you something from the freezer. Hang on. It's not exactly letting go, is it? I don't want to let go anymore. Let go.

Speaker 2:

Martin, I love you so much. I love you too, and I love you on the other side and I'll let go.

Speaker 3:

You better come back.

Speaker 2:

Of course I'll come back.

Speaker 3:

Good, because I'll be waiting for you with a crisp white wine and one of my legendary moussaka's, and I'll bury my face in it and I'll bury my face in you, you better.

Speaker 2:

I will.

Speaker 3:

Rhys, what Please cycle on the pavement, martin, sorry, I love you, bye.

Speaker 2:

What do you want? I'm looking for Pink. She's over there. What do you want to drink? Um, can I have a latte? No, you can have filter coffee like everyone else. Uh Pink.

Speaker 4:

I'm Rhys, I guessed that.

Speaker 2:

Really, how did you know?

Speaker 4:

I've been doing this a long time and I find the desperate-looking person who comes in the same time they say they're going to come in at is usually the missing, missing person person. I love that you call us that. Thanks, I'm an MMPP too. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, don't be, I know how you call us that. Thanks, I'm an MMPP too. Oh.

Speaker 2:

I'm sorry, oh, don't be. I know how you feel.

Speaker 4:

Do you? Do you have chronic insomnia? Do you sometimes forget which country you're in? Are you emotionally exhausted from thinking you see your missing person every day, but you don't?

Speaker 2:

No, I'm not there yet. It felt good to share everything with you in my email. You really did share everything. Yeah, I thought I saw him on the way here, but it was just another bear.

Speaker 4:

A bear? Oh no, you're referring to the homosexual subculture. Yes, the tribe, and you Do you identify as a bear.

Speaker 2:

No, I'm a bear chaser, is that a thing? Yeah, now, it's an ironic thing, because I can't.

Speaker 3:

I can't find them.

Speaker 1:

Use the napkins.

Speaker 3:

That's what they're there for, thanks.

Speaker 4:

So you saw him two weeks ago.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I came home from my weekend away and by the time I got home he was gone. I didn't even get to kiss him goodbye. By the time I got home he was gone. I didn't even get to kiss him goodbye.

Speaker 4:

Listen, rhys, I'm not one to judge. I'm an old hippie at heart, really Good, and I have had my fair share of free love in my time, believe me.

Speaker 2:

Good, I'm glad I'm working with the right person, then.

Speaker 4:

I don't know that you are. I don't think you need a detective at all. Why not? Because it's obvious what's happened.

Speaker 2:

What.

Speaker 4:

When you left him for those 60 hours, those long, cruel hours, when you were getting turned into a human profiterole, martin realized something what you don't love him.

Speaker 2:

What you don't love him, I do Love him. I love him very much, and I didn't know how much, until I got back home and he was gone and all that remained was a tepid mizaka and an open bottle of high-altitude Argentinian Malbec.

Speaker 4:

And no note.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah. Well, there were strong notes of chocolate and a hint of brambles.

Speaker 4:

I mean, did he leave a note?

Speaker 2:

Oh, I see what you mean. No, no, he didn't.

Speaker 4:

That's how much you hurt him. I didn't hurt him. We had an agreement. He asked you not to go. He changed his mind about the sex game. He tried to get you to back out of it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Maybe the massacre was the note, do you?

Speaker 2:

think. What do you think it means?

Speaker 4:

What do you think it means?

Speaker 2:

I don't know, I love you.

Speaker 4:

I guess, I think I love you is part of it. I think it means I'd do anything for you. I'd even spend hours making a meal for you, but if you can't love me back, I'm leaving you with nothing but a vat of moussaka.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's true. This moussaka was huge. It could have fed a family of bears.

Speaker 4:

Did you lie with it on your chest at night, sobbing and trying to take your mind off him?

Speaker 2:

No.

Speaker 4:

That's what he did for you. How do you know A combination of your epic email and I'm very good at sensing energy, your pulse highly strung, but he's like a harp.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you're right, I'm like a violin, he's like a grand piano. You don't think Martin's dead, do you?

Speaker 4:

No, I think he's moved somewhere else when Scunthorpe.

Speaker 2:

Why Scunthorpe?

Speaker 4:

I don't know. I guess it sounds like somewhere you might go to try to forget someone, to take a pause before you start the rest of your life without him.

Speaker 2:

So why didn't he leave a note Simple?

Speaker 4:

Because you didn't leave a note.

Speaker 2:

He wants me to feel like this. He wants you to feel something. I do feel something. I would give anything to hold him. Help me find him. I don't think I can. Yes, you can, pal. You haven't paid for the coffee? Yeah, of course not, it was undrinkable.

Speaker 1:

I know that, but it's not free.

Speaker 4:

Luca get the card reader out.

Speaker 2:

I'll pay for the coffee and the detective work if you come and find me. Me, no, of course not Her.

Speaker 4:

Great, looks like I'm a fucking bear chaser, chaser.

Speaker 1:

It's going on your tab hen.

Speaker 4:

I have asthma and fucking high blood pressure. Why have we come up here?

Speaker 2:

I come to all the gay places looking for him. This is a park, yes, and at night it's a cruisy park. Listen See. Do you think Martin could be one of them? Oh God, no, he was vanilla as fuck. That was the problem. Do you think they know where he is? Well, you tell me it's much more your bag. Vanilla as fuck, that was the problem.

Speaker 4:

Do you think they know where he is? Yeah, I think they seem like exhibitionists. Good job boys. Did you kill him, Martin? Did you?

Speaker 2:

No, of course not.

Speaker 4:

Why would you say that I don't know? Maybe the police are looking for him, maybe you're trying to throw them off the set by pretending to be looking yourself.

Speaker 2:

I didn't kill him and the police aren't looking for him because I didn't tell the police what the fuck. Why not? Because if the police started rooting around in me and Martin's lives, we'd be fucked.

Speaker 4:

Why? What might they find?

Speaker 2:

Martin was the boring one and I was the bad one. That's all he liked about me. We all like the bad boys. He didn't want to know what I was dealing with, but he wanted me to stop and I did. What were you dealing? Weed, mandy, I can't. I mean, yeah, can you get me any Xanax? Probably Tonight, yeah, probably I'll ask my person Two seconds.

Speaker 4:

So you didn't tell the police your boyfriend was missing, because you deal a bit of weed Bullshit. Where did you bury him? Did you dissolve him in a bath of acid Pink? Is he in the woods over there? Come on, what's going?

Speaker 2:

on Look, I haven't killed him. Can you just start looking for him?

Speaker 4:

please. I have started looking for him, but I'm not getting anywhere, because all you're doing is telling me bullshit stories. Why didn't you go to the?

Speaker 2:

police. Okay, okay, keep your voice down. So I didn't go to the police because I know where he is. That's my dealer. He's got Xanax. How many do you want? Wait what? You know where he is? Yeah, I know where he is. I can explain. It's weird. Why doesn't that surprise me? But look, how many do you want? Ten? Okay, come on, let's go.

Speaker 4:

These Xanax better be good because.

Speaker 3:

I'm going to need them when to pal. Mount Florida. Where in Mount Florida?

Speaker 2:

Do you know the hot yoghurt? Aye, pal Grand. So spill it. Okay, I didn't kill him. I bought him a game. I was on a high for my Deliveroo game. I was passed around the houses and finally ended up in Largs. Do you know Largs? I can imagine it. Keep going. I've stood at the bus stop with time to kill, passed around the houses and finally ended up in Largs. Dino Largs, I can imagine it. Keep going. I've stood at the bus stop with time to kill and then a three-hour bus ride home. So while I was waiting for the bus, I bought him a LARSP game. Live action roleplay. No, no, no. This is live action sex roleplay, even better, why? I don't know Because.

Speaker 2:

No that's right, because a special offer thing was emailed to me, kind of there, and then a time-limited offer for this live-action role-playing. Look, I just wanted him to feel like I felt doing the Deliveroo game, to feel alive, you know, to feel free, just to live. The game was called oh my God, what was it called? Oh, that's it Amnesia.

Speaker 4:

Amnesia, amnesia. I try to tell myself Billy's playing that game. Who's?

Speaker 2:

Billy.

Speaker 4:

My daughter.

Speaker 2:

Oh, no, no, you don't want your daughter to play amnesia In this game. They basically drug you. Well, you drug yourself. Then, the next thing you know, you wake up in a bed in a flat next to a man you've never met. The man tells you that he's your boyfriend and that you have amnesia. What's wrong with you? Well, most people see through the game pretty quickly. Anyone with a strong sense of who they are just has sex with a boyfriend for two days, watches box sets with him, does some mundane shit like go shopping. Then they escape. How do they consent to all of this? Oh man, there's pages and pages of terms and conditions that are practically like the script of the LARSP, but Martin doesn't read T's and C's, and you knew this.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, and he won't let him have a phone.

Speaker 2:

No no, he has his phone, but they block the partner and delete him from the phone, along with all the photographs they put in the new partner, in all the photographs. But I mean, I've seen the photographs, they're fake as fuck.

Speaker 4:

You'd have to be stupid to believe it Is.

Speaker 2:

Morden stupid? No, he's not, he's. He's over there. What Driver stop.

Speaker 4:

Hey, you need to pay for the taxi.

Speaker 3:

It's fine, it's paid prepaid.

Speaker 4:

I thought we fled you down.

Speaker 3:

It's prepaid hen.

Speaker 2:

Oh Martin, what the fuck. Sorry, I thought you it's okay, pal, will it get any easier?

Speaker 4:

No, how do you cope? Do I look like I'm coping?

Speaker 2:

Well, you're doing better than me. Thanks, oh, that's the dealer. He says hurry up if you want those Zannies.

Speaker 4:

Taxi.

Speaker 2:

Taxi no we don't need a taxi, we're here Is this Mount Florida. Yeah, wait in the short one, I'll join you in five.

Speaker 4:

Do you want anything? Oh my god, these are so good.

Speaker 2:

Right, this is Martin's favourite place. I've gained a lot of weight since he left hanging out here.

Speaker 4:

I've hardly had an appetite since Billy.

Speaker 2:

Boggled off, but now you've seen how fucked up.

Speaker 4:

I am you feel better?

Speaker 2:

about yourself right.

Speaker 4:

I think you might be onto something there. So you think he's somewhere in Mount Florida.

Speaker 2:

I know he is.

Speaker 4:

Well, how many gays live here?

Speaker 2:

Oh my God, millions Finding I know he is Well how many gays live here? Oh my God, millions. Finding them is like trying to find a needle in a gay stick.

Speaker 4:

Won't this actor boyfriend never say anything to him?

Speaker 2:

He can't.

Speaker 4:

It's against the contract.

Speaker 2:

Did you contact the company? Of course I did. I spoke to the CEO, who's a 17-year-old boy in Sweden. He just kept redirecting me back to the website. I said I'd make a formal complaint to the Swedish embassy. He told me to kiss my arse. Who paid for the taxi here?

Speaker 4:

You did. You can add it to my bill. I didn't pay, it was prepaid. And you know why don't you? Because this whole thing is a lie, to throw us off the scent. You're not looking for him, are you? Martin is actually turning into a bug hotel at the bottom of your allotment, isn't he?

Speaker 2:

You don't think that, do you no?

Speaker 4:

not really Tell me more about Martin.

Speaker 2:

Only if you tell me more about Billy. What do you want to know?

Speaker 4:

She likes Sonic the Hedgehog.

Speaker 2:

Martin likes listening to podcasts under a weighted blanket.

Speaker 4:

Billy's favorite TV show is Black Mirror.

Speaker 2:

Martin's favorite movie is Frances. Hanna Is that any good Nah, not really.

Speaker 4:

He watches it when he's depressed.

Speaker 2:

He eats macaroni and cheese and watches it and laughs and cries. Billy loves mac and cheese too. Oh, maybe they're together Too weird, quite weird. How old is he 27. How does he dress? They get a completely new wardrobe from the company. How?

Speaker 4:

does she dress? She wears black from head to toe. How did he used to dress?

Speaker 2:

He used to wear uniclo from head to toe.

Speaker 4:

Did you choose his new look?

Speaker 2:

Yeah you can choose a few. What did you choose? I chose gangster. He would hate that. Oh, I'm such an arsehole.

Speaker 4:

You're not an arsehole, but it's a weird game and I still can't decide if you two are good for each other or or if I killed him.

Speaker 2:

How could I kill him? I love him and I love how much he loves comfort food and pudding and brunch and sundays and how much he hates christmas and birthdays but loves holidays, camping and outdoor sex. I love how he wants to make me happy. I love how he's gullible, that he can suspend his disbelief, that he has an imagination. I love that he's creative, that he comes up with ingenious solutions to everything, that he tries to work everything out. I love that he's doing a master's.

Speaker 4:

What's his master's Rhys?

Speaker 2:

I don't know, I wasn't listening. Something to do with computers?

Speaker 4:

Try and remember Say words.

Speaker 2:

Rhys.

Speaker 4:

Virtual.

Speaker 2:

Immersive Build, build, virtual worlds, role play. Oh my god, we're living inside Martin's Game for his masters, aren't we?

Speaker 4:

Yes, we are. We are eating shawarma in Mount Florida inside Martin's Game. Is this the Xanax? Yes, I are. We are eating shawarma in Mount Florida inside Martin's game. Is this the Xanax? Yes, I think it is. I'm going to get this number off you. How did you find out about the Deliveroo fantasy? Martin read about it, yeah. Did he give you a link? Yeah. How did you find out about amnesia? I got an email offer. Did you take a photo of the masaka? Why? Because people take photos of everything before they eat it.

Speaker 2:

Hang on, I'm looking. He's been laughing at me for two weeks.

Speaker 4:

Yes, he has. You've been eating a burnt cheese printed picture of his laughing face for two weeks and you didn't even notice. How did you guys meet?

Speaker 2:

We met in SWJ3 at a night called Hot Mess.

Speaker 4:

What happened at Hot Mess Rhys?

Speaker 2:

Well, oh Jesus, oh fuck, no. What happened? Well, he was up on the balcony, he was dancing next to the laser light thing that was pinging round the club and then, as the beat dropped on the record we were dancing to the beam became fixed on me. I looked up and that's when our eyes met for the first time. Pinky chose me arbitrarily with a remote-controlled disco light because he wanted me to participate in his VR roleplay master's project, didn't he?

Speaker 4:

Yes, yes, he did. How do you feel about that?

Speaker 2:

Well, If I'm honest, I I think it's kind of hot.

Speaker 4:

You want him to come back? Yes, do you guys have a code word? Yeah we, it's um.

Speaker 2:

Hang on.

Speaker 4:

I don't want to be part of a cringe reunion. That's above my pay grade.

Speaker 2:

Oh my god, you don't think. Oh fuck, okay, um, Are we done.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, I'm done. I'm needed back on planet Earth.

Speaker 2:

Thank you.

Speaker 4:

No, thank you, it's been Unreal.

Speaker 2:

I do Love him.

Speaker 4:

I know you do In your own fucked up way. Same way anyone loves anyone. Bye.

Speaker 2:

Bye, I'm smarter than your average.

Speaker 3:

Bear.

Speaker 1:

Boo-boo McKinnon, directed by Luke Epp, sound design and music by Danny Crass, made in partnership with Tron Theatre Glasgow, supported by Creative Scotland. Next time on episode four of the Loved One, a voice from the deep. Endless hours of an empty ocean. It's a very late night listening party in Lucas Cafe.